In Spite of Everything

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By: Es Huff

 

In spite of everything, I will rise

Just like Maya Angelou taught me to do.

 

In spite of everything, I will leave it behind me,

Not to be forgotten or buried deep

But to be kept in the rear view window of my mind,

In a tiny pocket in my ever loving, dark heart.

For these events that have happened to me

They do not define me, and I refuse to wear them like a bandage

And remain a victim forever for you to just look upon me with sad eyes,

Not knowing what to say.

Yet these events, these happenstances, these cruel, real moments of, ‘Free Will’,

They remain forever a part of me, who I am today, who I’ll be tomorrow.

They shape who I am, as a wife, as a friend.

A mom.

I have a responsibility not to do any wrong.

Just because It happened to me, I should do it to you?

No, wrong.

 

In spite of everything, I will give love freely to those who need.

For no one knows how it feels to not be treasured like me.

To be tossed aside like nothing, 

To be stared at and not be seen.

I hear you and I do see you.

You are seen.

 

In spite of everything I will not just survive or thrive,

I will live, learn, teach.

I will stand up and shout, ‘NO! That’s not okay. That ain’t right!’ 

To the wrongdoings I see along the way.

See something say something – 

You’re right I will, and I do!

I will not be silenced because of the uncomfortableness that I’ve made you.

 

In spite of everything, including myself at times, most times, 

I am alive.

Always questioning why I deserve to be, 

Because I really just don’t understand why.

 

In spite of everything, I am still growing.

Roots deep, branches tall.  Core strong.

 

In spite of everything, I wake up every morning

Try to put a smile on, show a happy face.

To greet my children and my husband

Even when I’m in an unhappy place.

 

In spite of everything, I have love and joy.

I keep doing my best to not let it go.

I keep holding on strong, to these feelings unknown.

 

In spite of everything, I will not let them win. 

I will not let the darkness consume me completely, again.

I have angels you see, 

My Sister Warriors are always with me. 

They will always see me.

My husband, my children, they will always love me.

 

In spite of everything, 

I choose beauty and love.

I will not give up on you.

I will not give up on me.

 

For I am alive.

In spite of it all.

 

 
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Es Huff

is 36 years old and married with 3 kids. She is an artist, who is working on getting her Masters degree in Art Therapy.

Rochel Lazar