How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

By: Miriam Yager

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Narcissistic abuse can be one of the hardest forms of abuse to identity. By definition, a narcissist is someone who is completely self-absorbed and lacks a sense of empathy towards others.

The strongest, kindest and most empathetic people are often lured into their trap. You see, narcissists are very tricky. The way they sneak in is by preying on your kind heart.

Initially, they’ll capture you with their charisma, funny sense of humor, or by showing you how much they care. They’ll go completely out of their way for you to show you how much they love you.

And you are smitten by the love and attention. Who wouldn’t be?  All humans crave love and attention more than anything else!

Once they know that you appreciate them, the manipulation starts. They’ll share their painful experiences with you. You take it as a further sign of their love and commitment, but in actuality, it’s the exact opposite.

The more empathy you show them, the more they begin demanding it from you. Asking for that much empathy is a form of manipulation. They’re demanding that you spend your time and energy worrying about their problems and helping them through their life’s circumstances.

As time goes on, the manipulation takes on new levels. They begin to control every single area of your life! They use tactics, such as gas lighting, to make you feel like you’re insane. You begin to doubt your own thoughts, ideas and actions. You wonder if your truth is actually true.

They project every negative feeling they have about themselves onto you. They may shame you privately or publicly. They minimize your worth in your own eyes.

To the world, they appear to be completely normal, functional people. You suffer in silence, fighting an inner battle that no one else knows about—living under someone else’s complete control and manipulation until you’ve lost every bit of your sense of self.

You’re living someone else’s life. Going through the motions every day, but not really connecting with any of it. You’ve lost sense of your own values, beliefs and the things that made you happy.

The good news is that you can overcome narcissistic abuse and live a FREE life!

There are 5 shifts that you can implement into your life that will help you heal and regain your freedom. And the best news is that not only will you heal, but you will become a stronger version of yourself than you’ve ever been. You’ll be able to live fully at all times, reclaiming the life that Hashem has made available to you.

 

Shift 1: Total Self-Care

Throughout the abuse, you’ve neglected to care for yourself. You’ve spent every waking moment caring about the narcissist and viewing life through their lens, to the point where you’ve forgotten about you.

By implementing a total self-care routine, which includes fully connecting with the body, mind, heart and soul Hashem has gifted you with, you can reclaim your full self.

When we learn to connect and fully live with these gifts, we’re able to access a place where we are living our lives according to our unique purpose in this world. While none of us ever really know the specific reason our neshama was put here on this earth, we do know that the Torah teaches us to act as our best self at all times.

By learning to fully care for yourself, you’re able to bring the highest version of yourself to each area of your life—your marriage, your family, your home, your profession, your community and the way that you personally show up in your avodas Hashem.

 

Shift 2: Implement Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of living fully connected with yourself in the present, each moment of your life. Because of the abuse, you’ve disconnected from your own thoughts, voice and desires. Your mind is constantly worrying about the narcissist.

You wonder how they will react if you dare to do something they don’t approve of. You’re scared to speak up, in case they shame you. You’re terrified to do something that might bring you pleasure, because what will the narcissist think if you do something that isn’t solely in their best interest?

By tapping into the present moment, so much will open up before you. You will recognize the gifts that Hashem has given you. Colors will appear more vivid. Nature will be more calming. Interactions with others will become more meaningful.

Your only job is to be in the moment. It is one of the most freeing things you can experience—the ability to just be in each moment of your life and soak it up for what it is.

You can become totally aligned with your mind, body, heart and soul. In each moment, you can focus on being the best version of yourself. You can show up to your life as the most authentic version of you.

And best of all, you will learn to appreciate life on a deeper level than ever before! You will fully soak up the beautiful moments. You will feel joy more profoundly and appreciate kindness more than ever before.

 

Shift 3: Reclaim Your Identity

You’ve learned to dissociate from yourself. You likely don’t even know who you are anymore. You’ve become so dependent on the narcissist that you’re not sure what thoughts are truly yours.

Learning to reclaim your identity by falling madly in love with the woman that you are will completely shift the way you show up in your life. Recognizing all of the wonderful qualities that you have, and knowing that Hashem gave them to you for a reason, will help you live a more purposeful life.

Appreciating your body, mind, heart and soul fully will open you up to so many new possibilities. You’ll be able to create healthy boundaries for yourself so that no one will ever be able to manipulate you again. You will no longer accept such behavior from anyone.

As you learn how to focus on reclaiming your identity, the stronger you will feel within yourself. Your self-esteem and confidence will be so strong that no one will ever be able to penetrate them again. You will be able to accomplish more in your personal and professional life than you ever imagined!

The NEW YOU will be so much stronger and more resilient. You will shine your light brighter than ever before! And you will never allow anyone else to manipulate you again. In the future, you will simply reject anyone who is too controlling.

You will be grateful for the woman that you have become, and you will be able to look back and be thankful for the opportunity that has turned you into the most beautiful version of you.

 

Shift 4: Transformed Relationships

As you show up to the world as the new you, your relationship with yourself will be much more positive! It will spill over into all of your relationships, and you will find yourself with renewed connections to the people who matter most. You’ll be more present when you speak with them, and enjoy your time together more.

No longer will you constantly worry that you need to explain yourself and prove your worth. You will know that they love you for who you are, and want to hear what you really think. You’ll have more authentic conversations and a deeper appreciation for your relationships.

You’ll stop attracting people who suck the energy out of you. You’ll have strong enough boundaries that your energy alone will deter them. You just won’t click with them anymore.

You’ll be so strong that you’ll be able to influence family members in your life who may not be in the healthiest places themselves. Instead of taking on their negative energy, you will influence them to become more positive.

 

Shift 5: Hire the Best Mentor

Making changes in your life can be very hard—especially when trying to overcome abuse. The deep inner work necessary to heal can feel really scary. It can also be difficult to take yourself down such a path on your own.

Having a mentor or coach guide you through the process with a step-by-step, proven system can help you facilitate healing at the core level and in a much shorter time frame. Because in truth, healing should NOT take years!

Each and every day that you have on this earth is a gift! You’ve already wasted so much of that time wrapped up in a reality that wasn’t completely yours. Don’t waste even more of your precious time hoping and praying for healing to come.

You can start living your best life in just weeks by reaching out for help.

 
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Miriam Yager

is a life coach who specializes in helping women overcome narcissistic abuse and live a free life. Her clients live their best life in just 8 short weeks. Her life’s mission is to create awareness and end abuse on a global scale. Miriam has received her life coaching certification from the Refuah Institute and the American Association of Professional Coaches. She has received mentoring from top coaches in the industry and implements all of the highest level practices into her own coaching. Her love for Torah and chassidus are infused into all of her coaching. Her clients receive physical, mental and emotional and spiritual guidance to help them reclaim themselves and live their best lives yet! Miriam lives in Coral Springs Florida with her family and 3 young children. She can be reached via email or by phone 917-685-2866. To schedule a free breakthrough session with Miriam, click here, and click here to join Miriam’s free Facebook support group. 

Rochel Lazar