Lacking Self-Confidence

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By: Julie Starr

Why are so many dynamic women lacking confidence in themselves and their abilities? What is this phenomenon, and how can we all start saying YES to our true selves in body, mind and soul? How can we be willing to be all that we are with CONFIDENCE in our relationships and within our “self”?

Each and every one of us contains a vibrant spark of humanity, a spark of individual greatness that no other person can duplicate. It is our purpose in life to discover this spark and to use it for the good of ourselves and others.

Confidence is “knowing”—the deep knowing from within that you have tremendous worth. This knowing allows you to open up to all your possibilities, to fully be who you are and to embrace your significance. As a life coach, I view lack of confidence as the number one roadblock that throws women off their sacred path in life. Without confidence, one cannot contribute her full potential to the world.

So what is self-confidence?

Self-confidence begins with believing in yourself—the knowing of who you are and loving every bit of you….the good and the shadows. Acceptance of yourself is vital, and this includes knowing you can change the parts that don’t serve you. It’s a belief in your abilities and capability. A certainty that you are special. Not from an egotistical place, but from a kind, inner grounded place. I call it “Relaxed Confidence”. It comes from the place where you are happy with yourself and able to be open to constructive criticism, while holding on to your full being.

Building this inner certainty, and knowing, takes time and practice. We are made up of body, psyche and soul. Becoming happy and confident with your whole self is a journey. As social beings, we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. “Do I fit in with the group?” “Does she/he like me?” “Am I fat/thin/ugly/beautiful?!”

Basically, these statements all boil down to: AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
‘Good enough for what?’ I ask!  Here is where we go back to the SPARK and the knowing that there are no duplicates—only original beauties!

REFLECT FOR A MINUTE: Fill in the blank below 10 times (i.e., I AM…happy, successful, etc.)

I AM ___________________.

Are the majority of your answers filled with future possibility, or is it time to maneuver your thoughts toward a more positive outcome?

Believing in your power, your positive qualities and your trust in yourself to do good takes time, but it is possible for each and every one of us.

Here are some tips to successfully build this inner certainty:


The body speaks loud and clear. Walk with strength, stand strong, and make eye contact.  Smiling is a beautiful added touch! The body will send the message to the psyche that “we are doing great!”


Put this list at eye-level, and read it daily. It sounds strange, but the list will grow on you, and you’ll start identifying with your strong place within.


Buy yourself a mug that says “I LOVE YOU” or a cozy t-shirt with a loving saying. Give love to yourself, just as you do for others. Surround yourself with positive pieces of gratitude toward YOU! This physical expression of love to yourself will help nurture your new, growing confidence.


Every once in awhile, check in with your mind. Are you thinking FEEL GOOD thoughts or negative ones? Be gentle with yourself. Kindly switch your thought process to forward-moving and happier ideas. Relaxed Confidence lives where there is positive-flowing energy.


Decide you want to learn to love yourself more.
Decide you want to discover your strengths and help yourself grow.
This WILLINGNESS is a big piece to your success.

As Wayne Dyer said, “I am already in my mind where I intend to be.” Use the power of your mind and your WILLpower to choose to be confident.


What have you done so far in your life that truly feels beneficial for you? What can you contribute now that feels natural and good for you?

Relaxed Confidence is a wonderful vehicle for a peaceful and joyful life. Having the courage to stand in your power and say “YES” to who you truly are by embracing your significance benefits everyone. One step at a time, you can move toward your highest self and make this world a better place!

Be willing to say YES to yourself.



is the founder of “Possibility Life Coaching for Women”. She works intimately with individuals and groups of women across North America who are eager to achieve personal growth, live their best lives and leave a positive mark on the world. Originally, Julie trained professionally as a dance therapist, earning a 4 year degree from York University in Toronto. While working in schools and hospitals, she became acutely aware of the need for positive change in the world and became a respected social issues activist. She finds nothing more personally rewarding than helping women find their strength, vitality and resilience. Contact Julie at  or on Facebook as “Possibility Life Coaching for Women” to learn more about her individual and group coaching programs, tele-seminars, live personal workshops and speaking engagements. Visit her website at